


Do not take a Consulting Detective Christmas shopping.

by CyanideDaydreams



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Deductions, Domestic Fluff, Drabble, Fluff, Hamish joins in, M/M, Poor John, Sherlock Is A Bit Not Good, Shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-12 11:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2108574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyanideDaydreams/pseuds/CyanideDaydreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little drabble I wrote forever ago on a request. Thought it might give someone a laugh, or at least a small chuckle.<br/>John tries to take Sherlock Christmas shopping. Sherlock misbehaves. So does Hamish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do not take a Consulting Detective Christmas shopping.

‘So, how long would you say her husband been cheating on her?’ Sherlock asked Hamish, peering thoughtfully at the cashier’s low cut top.  
‘I…uh, what?’ came the confused response from the girl in question.  
‘About six months?’ Hamish responded. ‘Maybe longer… ’  
Sherlock crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at his son.  
‘Astonish me.’  
‘Well, the low-cut top aside, since that speaks for itself; the makeup is the second obvious giveaway. It’s thick, not only foundation, but contoured cheekbones, overused mascara and eyeliner. And of course the contouring done with bronzer on the collarbones.’  
‘How do we know she doesn’t simply have poor judgement where makeup is concerned?’  
‘Sherlock!’ hissed John, glancing at the cashier.  
Hamish rolled his eyes. ‘For God’s sake, Father. The skin, look at the skin. Bumpy from multiple blemishes, she has noticed this, you can tell, as she has applied more concealer and foundation to attempt to cover them instead of applying less makeup to allow the skin to breathe. Ergo, an attempt to improve her attractiveness. She is aware that her husband is having an affair, but is too scared to question him.’  
The cashier was now flushed an ugly shade of scarlet and let out a strangled sob.  
Sherlock grinned broadly. ‘That’s my boy, but you missed the significance of the—’  
‘I’m so sorry. Please excuse us,’ muttered John, seizing the consulting detective and his son by the elbows and dragging them away.  
‘What is wrong with you?!’ he groaned, massaging his temples.  
He was met with a confused look from twin pairs of blue eyes.  
‘You told us to stop annoying you…’ frowned Sherlock, ‘and to entertain ourselves, and I quote, “some other way for five minutes before I strangle the pair of you”.’  
‘You didn’t let us get to four minutes, Dad.’  
‘Maybe he’s preoccupied about Miss Hooper’s present.’  
‘Oh, for God’s sake, Sherlock.’  
‘Molly?’ frowned Hamish.  
‘You see,’ said Sherlock, already sweeping out of the shop, ‘John finds women difficult creatures…’  
John growled to himself as he followed, sparing a last desperate look at the unpaid for presents he was leaving behind. He’d have to come back and get them later.  
‘This is why he had such problems dating…’  
‘Oi! That was your fault, you bloody difficult git.’  
‘And, therefore’ Sherlock continued loudly, ‘the prospect of buying a woman a present bothers him.’  
‘I’ll get her some nice perfume or—’  
‘Dull.’  
‘Chocolates…’  
‘Predictable.’  
‘Alcohol…’  
‘Bad idea.’  
‘A nice cardigan…’  
‘And risk buying the wrong size?’  
‘A book…?’  
‘Tedious.’  
John groaned deeply and walked away.  
Sherlock shared a look with Hamish and smirked.  
‘That’ll teach him to drag me Christmas shopping when I have experiments to do.’


End file.
